


Breathing Underwater

by pene



Category: Blue Crush
Genre: Character of Color, F/F, Female Friendship, Femslash, Sports, Surfing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-24
Updated: 2008-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-05 01:16:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pene/pseuds/pene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things change but it's always pretty much the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathing Underwater

**Author's Note:**

  * For [carla](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=carla).



> I need to acknowledge Mark Occhilupo who has written so well about competing in the WCT. Credit to Oh Laura, Cat Stevens, Crowded House, Adrienne Rich, Shearwater, Cyndi Lauper, Vienna Teng, Luka Bloom, Crowded House, Josh Pyke, Augie March. And Carla herself.

Breathing Underwater

A glass of water longing for the ocean

Late at night it's just the four of them and the steady thud of the waves. Penny is on the phone but the others have crowded into Eden's workshop. Eden's waxing a board and it's smooth under her palms.

Lena gets philosophical after dark. "It's like we understand the whole world better, because we understand water. And that's 70 % of the world."

"Yeah," Eden allows.

The way Eden figures, surfers are always in the water. Shaping boards she's remembering waves; cleaning rooms she's planning for waves; drinking or dancing just intensifies it. When Eden lies down to sleep her blood pounds like surf and her whole body pulses. Maybe Lena's right. Maybe knowing what she's doing out there on the ocean is the same as knowing what she's doing everywhere.

Anne Marie says, "I don't know, sometimes it's like I forget how to breathe on land." She avoids Eden's quick glance.

The next day the swell is a solid five feet. They take the boards out early and it's perfect like every other day.

 

\------------------------------------

 

Watch the sea drawn from the sand

Eden is Anne Marie's "plus one" for the world circuit dinner. The invitation promises three courses, a camera crew, a hotel room and an open bar.

"You're the one who got me here," says Anne Marie as an explanation.

"You got yourself here, girl," says Eden, but she's pleased.

Anne Marie has a dress. Eden only wears surf gear. But now and then Lena's mom sends Lena expensive suits, hoping her daughter will get a real job. Eden's wearing Lena's pin stripe vest and pants. They have to pin the pants to stop them dragging on the ground.

Eden looks at herself critically.

"Hot," says Lena decisively around a big handful of rice crackers. "Get going before I steal your spot. Kelle reckons they're cooking lobster from Brazil."

Anne Marie drives the two of them to the hotel. Her hair is smooth, like a sheet of pale water across her shoulders. Eden props herself against the passenger door. She watches the ocean, Anne Marie and the winding road.

That's how it is when they're alone. Eden keeps a space between them - just a few feet of salty air or water. It's a habit developed over years. It reminds her where she ends and where Anne Marie begins.

 

\-----------------------------------------------

 

Your skin is like water on the burning beach

Everyone's looking to catch the next pretty girl surfer on her way up. Anne Marie is swamped by photographers in the lobby.

By the time they make it to their table Anne Marie's pale and edgy. By the end of dinner she's floating on a mixture of alcohol and nerves. Eden pours water from a jug and hands the glass to Anne Marie.

"Okay?" Eden asks.

"Yeah," says Anne Marie. "I just can't believe I'm here." Her smile is too bright under the lights. It reflects on the glass in her hands.

Eden doesn't worry. There's a hotel room for Anne Marie on the fourteenth floor. Anyway they're local girls. They know how to handle their alcohol. They don't leave until the party ends.

The walls of the elevator are glass and look out to the black ocean. There are some suited guys in with them, looking rough after a long evening.

"You're warm," Anne Marie says quietly. She shifts to lean against Eden.

There's no room between Eden and Anne Marie's skin. It's breathtaking and terrifying. Eden takes a breath. Even after too much wine Anne Marie smells like the surf.

The elevator door pings open. They walk to the room in silence.

Inside the lights are off. The curtains are wide open so that the whole room is lit by the spotlights on the beach.

Eden closes the door softly, like she doesn't want to break something.

They're alone. Anne Marie reaches for Eden's hand. Eden pauses for one long moment. Then she moves forward, hard, crossing the space that's she's always kept between them. She presses her body into Anne Marie. When they kiss it's drunk and fierce.

Eden lifts Anne Marie against the rough painted wall. Anne Marie's dress slides up her body. Her thighs are pale under Eden's hand. Eden's lost the edges of herself.

"Fuck," Eden breathes. She takes a step back. "This is not good," which is understating it.

Anne Marie reaches for her again. "It's okay, Eden. It's okay."

Anne Marie is beautiful. Her hair is tousled and silver in the shifting light. Her dress is bunched around her waist. She leans against the wall and looks at Eden with sleepy, wanting eyes. It makes Eden's stomach twist.

And it's Anne Marie. So Eden believes her.

They wake up to a perfect blue sky. They shower separately, dress quickly and drive home. Somehow they don't talk about it.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------

 

The air is blue and then it is bluer and then it is green

It's not awkward between them. They always knew everything about each other and now they know maybe something more. Eden coaches. Anne Marie slides through the Reef Hawaiian to get herself a spot in the world circuit tour.

As the tour approaches Eden watches the strain mount in Anne Marie's body and brain. Most mornings they're all out on the ocean and then it's okay.

Anne Marie has just caught a tidy four footer towards shore.

"You should go with her on tour," Lena says.

Penny says, "What?", and shifts her board in the water so she can face Lena.

"Nah, she'll be okay," says Eden.

"You should go with her," Lena says again. "She surfs better with you around. The trip's all paid for. We've got cash in our hands. There's nothing to worry about."

"Except me," says Penny.

"I'll still be here, Pen," says Lena. Eden can almost see Penny thinking through how relaxed life will be with just Lena to tell her what to do.

"She's right, Eden," says Penny. "You should totally go with her."

"You'd better bring me good presents though," says Lena.

"And me," says Penny.

They arrange things while Anne Marie paddles back out. Eden's hesitant. But Anne Marie doesn't stop smiling for the rest of the day so it seems okay.

 

\--------------------------

 

Into that same deep sea

Before they leave Hawaii, Eden hits Kinko's and prints whole essays about the surf at each stop on the tour. They pass the pages between them on the flight to Australia.

First up is the Billabong Pro at Burleigh Beach - a nice consistent break onto a sand bar.

Even though this is the Pacific, their own ocean, Australia feels different. The birds are raucous and everything smells like eucalyptus. The water isn't as cold as California's sad excuse for surf, but it's cooler than Hawaii's perfect 75 degrees.

The first couple of days the waves are almost flat, so the heats are called off. Each morning Anne Marie looks disappointed and relieved at once. They don't have a car so they run Burleigh beach and swim in the glassy surf. One day they catch a ride with two of the other women to find the waves.

It's strange, just the two of them.

They call home. Lena answers. Eden can hear Penny shrieking excitedly in the background.

"How is it?" Lena asks with her mouth full.

"She hasn't got to her heat yet," says Eden. "No waves."

"Bummer. But have you two been causing trouble?" asks Lena.

"Nah."

"That's 'cause you didn't take me with you," says Lena. "I'll put Penny on the phone." As she hands the phone over Lena yells, "Miss you!"

Anne Marie talks to Penny about homework and parties and curfews and whether Penny has a bad attitude. Eventually Eden peels the handset from Anne Marie's fingers.

"We're sure you're doing great, Pen," Eden says into the phone. "We'll call in a couple of days."

"Don't bring Anne Marie back," says Penny darkly.

"You don't mean that," says Eden. "Love you."

"Yeah. You too," Penny manages.

Once they've hung up Anne Marie smiles ruefully. They don't say anything.

 

\---------------------

 

On your rolling sea

Their room has a king bed. Anne Marie's got the spot near the window; Eden's at the door. The first night as they climb in Eden keeps carefully to her own side.

But in the dark it's easy to slide an arm across the gap toward the warmth of Anne Marie's body. Sometimes, in sleep, Anne Marie shifts up against Eden's body. Eden doesn't dare breathe. It's easy to forget that the world isn't just the two of them.

When they finally wake to a nice five-foot swell Anne Marie goes pale under her freckles.

"Okay," says Eden. "Just get out there and surf."

"Yep," says Anne Marie.

There are crowds of Australians watching. Eden chews the inside of her cheeks. Anne Marie is cautious. She pulls some tidy waves but it's not enough to win the three-woman heat.

"It's all about positioning, Anne Marie," says Eden.

"I know," says Anne Marie and turns to leave.

"You just need to get yourself the chance to choose your own wave," says Eden. "Tomorrow."

"I know, okay," Anne Marie snaps. "Just leave me alone Eden." She walks away with her board banging against her legs.

 

\----------------------------------

 

Out there in the drowning deep

Eden's sitting on their balcony, her arms resting on the white iron rail.

"I'm sorry I snapped," says Anne Marie quietly.

"Yeah," Eden turns her head toward Anne Marie, "But I need to give you a break."

"Yeah you do."

They watch the sea darken in silence. The sky edges toward black.

"But you're right about positioning," says Anne Marie. "You're almost always right. It's really irritating."

Eden turns in her chair. She reaches for her wine and looks at Anne Marie. Anne Marie holds her gaze. Neither turns away as Anne Marie stretches back to untie her bikini top. Anne Marie deposits the top onto the balcony then turns to walk into the room.

"Come to bed," Anne Marie says. Eden pulls off her t-shirt. She takes a gulp of wine and follows Anne Marie.

It's hard to know where to look. Eden covers Anne Marie's body with her own and presses a leg between Anne Marie's hips as they kiss. She feels Anne Marie arch up and grind against her thigh. It's a rush of power, like the first time she caught a wave.

Eden buries herself in Anne Marie. The room is their own safe space. It's as though no one can find them, as though the rest of the world is only imagination and this is all that's real.

 

\-----------------------

 

Following slow tides

Losing round one means surfing through the round two heats at Fingal. The waves are big, easily eight feet. Eden keeps her advice to herself as Anne Marie measures them up. They watch a monster set pass through. The air horn sounds the heat.

This time Anne Marie gets everything right. It's the ideal wave and she's positioned perfectly. She carves through the water to take the heat.

So it goes. At night they close themselves into their room and trace the waves on each other's skin. By day Anne Marie wins round after round. She's only knocked out in the semis.

They stand together and watch Layne Beachley and Sofia Mulanovich head for the finals.

"Nice ride," says Layne to Anne Marie as she walks by. "I'll see you next event." So Eden figures it's hardly like Anne Marie lost at all.

 

\---------------------------------------------

 

Pulled up heaving from the bottom of the ocean

The next stop on the tour is Tahiti. The comp's at Teahupoo on the edge of the main island. The township sits literally at the end of the road. The competitors and caddies head out to the wave face in boats.

"You get pretty close," says Keala Kenelly on the trip across. "It's a mean face, big lips, but it has this clear shoulder so you can look right at it. And if you get that perfect barrel you're gold."

There aren't many surfers who can surf here. Keala's fearless.

Close up, the waves silence everyone. It's like seeing the edge of the ocean. Thousands of tons of water plummet from a sheer face. The base of each wave sits well below sea level and the waves tower over the reef. They watch a twelve foot set hurl itself onto the shelf.

Eden looks at the wave then at Anne Marie. "You're stupid if you're not scared," she says finally. "So if you can't do it, you can't do it. And that'll be okay. But if you're gonna do it, you'd better do it well."

Anne Marie takes a breath. Eden wants to say, "Don't do it." But she's never said don't to anything.

"I can do it," says Anne Marie.

"Okay then," says Eden. "Let's do it."

Eden knows she's brave. But Eden's not the one who has to swim into the wave face. She heads out to caddy for Anne Marie.

Anne Marie measures up the waves and takes off with an ten-footer. It's a big wave. Anywhere else it would be a monster. There's a heavy lip at its peak. Eden's pulse stops for a fraction. And then Anne Marie's there on the front of the wave. She surfs beautifully and carefully, and slides safely off the opposite shoulder.

Eden watches Anne Marie take a couple more six foot waves. Then Anne Marie picks a beautiful barrel and slots right inside. She's through the heat.

Eden breathes again. There's more heats tomorrow and then hopefully the quarters. Still, Eden's never seen Anne Marie so focussed. She figures Anne Marie's going to be fine.

 

\-----------------------------------

 

Breathing the air from your lungs

Their hut at Teahupoo sits right down on the beach and opens to the clear blue sea. From the deck they only see the ocean and each other. They wake each day tangled in their sheets.

Eden's not thinking past each day, but in the back of her mind she knows this will end. After Tahiti there's a break before the European leg. They'll spend it back in Hawaii.

"Do you miss home?" asks Anne Marie on their last night. Her fingers are tangled in Eden's.

"I miss Lena and Penny and shaping," says Eden. But that life seems far away. This trip feels like it's the end of the story.

Even on the flight back, it feels like they're in a bubble. Anne Marie's exhausted. She rests her head against Eden to sleep. Eden leans her chair back, closes her eyes and tries not to think.

Lena and Penny pick them up at the airport. The airport is open to the Hawaiian air and it feels better than the air anywhere else. They're home.

Late that night, Penny's grudgingly in bed. Lena, Anne Marie and Eden pile into Eden's workshop. Eden runs her hands possessively over her favourite boards.

"You'll want to take this one to Europe," she says to Anne Marie, indicating one.

"Looks good," says Anne Marie.

"You two are so annoying," says Lena. "Tell me about the trip."

They tell her about the heats and the finals and the other competitors. They tell her about the Teahupoo wave and the hotel on the sand.

"And something happened between us," Anne Marie says. She's blushing.

"Something happened?" asks Lena. She looks from Anne Marie to Eden. Eden can't help the half smile on her face.

Lena pauses for a second then hoots with laughter. "Of course it did. That is some crazy stuff."

Anne Marie reaches for Eden's hand.

"Oh no," says Lena. "I don't need to see that. No way. I'll leave you two alone to get acquainted with the shed." She struts out then sticks her head back in. "But I'm happy," she says. "It's weird but perfect."

"You'll have to tell Penny," says Eden to Anne Marie

"I'm not sure Penny will mind much. She loves you more than she loves me most days."

"She's a smart kid," says Eden and kisses Anne Marie.

She doesn't give Anne Marie room to answer.

It makes this thing seem like it might last, having Lena and Penny know. It's not just Anne Marie and Eden any more. The rest of their world is back in focus. She remembers the shape of things - the shape of the ocean; the shape of her boards; the shape of their family here in the house. And Anne Marie in all of it. Things change but it's always pretty much the same.

 

\-------------------------

 

Postscript:

A sun that doesn't set

Anne Marie is happy. It's morning and Eden's lying next to her. Lena and Penny are asleep in the other rooms and the boards are lying quiet in Eden's shed.

Anne Marie watches the sunlight skim Eden's legs, then turns her head to find Eden watching her.

"Not like you to sleep in," says Anne Marie.

"Well I didn't always have you in my bed, girl," answers Eden

Anne Marie answers a question that hasn't been asked. "I think I just couldn't imagine anything without you. Not surfing, not the ocean, nothing."

"You didn't have to. I was going to be here anyway."

Anne Marie grins. "Oh yeah, well I'm in love with you too."

Eden reaches to her with half a smile. "We can stay here and get up tomorrow," she says.

One perfect ride and a lot of hard work got Anne Marie all the things she ever said she wanted. It got her an in with the sponsors. It got her a world tour. It got her in the ASP top 16.

It didn't get rid of the nightmares.

Still, they're rarer and bluer. They're less about failure and more about the wave.

In between the nightmares, Anne Marie dreams of a wedding: sand gold and pink with Lena and Penny as barefoot bridesmaids and Eden in a buttoned linen suit. It's not like Anne Marie wants a wedding, exactly, or even at all. It's just that this is the only family she's ever had. She wants to hold on to it.


End file.
